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Surplus: How To Save RAW (yeah, I know, but read it anyway)

August 4, 2011

So this Kevin Hellions guy has been posting some ideas over on about how he thinks HHH should fix RAW (as if it’s up to him) & obviously, i disagree with almost everything. Hellions made a great sacrifice by watching the latest Chyna porn movie in order to get his name known, so I wont rip into the guy just yet…

So lets start with the overall boring feel/everything being bland except for Punk. How to make people want to watch Smackdown may be a bigger problem, but I’d rather not think about that show.


So the PPVs for this year are:

Royal Rumble

Elimination Chamber


Extreme Rules

Over the Limit

Capitol Punishment

Money in the Bank


Night of Champions

Hell in a Cell


Survivor Series

TLC (Tables, Ladders & Chairs)

The problematic ones are Elimination Chamber, Extreme Rules, Money in the Bank, Hell in a Cell & TLC. Why? Well tell me why they need to have an Elimination Chamber?

Do they have so many top-tier guys that have all earned the right to be #1 contender? Do they have 6 guys stuck in a massive feud & locking them inside this massive structure is the only way to solve it? No, they have it because it’s February.

Rinse & repeat for the others. Do they really need to promote a PPV based around extreme rules when almost all title matches seem to be no DQ anyway?

Remember the first TLC match at SummerSlam back in 2000? It was a culmination of months & months of story featuring the Dudley Boys (Tables),  the Hardy Brothers (Ladders) & Edge & Christian (Chairs), it made so much sense to have a match that combined what all three teams were known for.

TLC 2010? Cena vs Wade Barrett in a chairs match.

A chairs match? A match with some chairs?

That’s just fucking lazy.

These gimmicks cost WWE money too, particularly Elimination Chamber & Hell in a Cell due to all the metal required & the number of people it takes to build them. Why go to all that trouble for Cena vs CM Punk vs John Morrison vs Sheamus vs Randy Orton vs R-Truth when

a) Everyone knew Cena would win & get the belt back at Mania.

b) Orton? They already had plans for him getting the World title.

c) They already had plans to push R-Truth after Cena v Miz.

d) Punk was in the middle of a 6+ month-long losing streak.

They wrote themselves into a corner with these gimmick PPVs. Kids would’ve preferred to see Cena win in a regular match against maybe Morrison & Orton. Just Cena vs Orton would’ve done some good numbers for them.

Another fine example would be Money in the Bank, they open the show with the match the PPV is sold around. I told you earlier that I don’t even want to think about Smackdown, so lets look at the RAW one:

Alberto Del Rio vs  Rey Mysterio vs Kofi Kingston vs Alex Riley vs R-Truth vs The Miz vs Evan Bourne vs Jack Swagger (Del Rio won).

Like i said before, Del Rio lost a title match at mania & nobody cared about him then. Rey exists to make the younger guys look good. Kofi? Kofi is great & they have booked him poorly. Alex Riley is known only for being Miz’s bitch. R-Truth had just came off the back of a feud with Cena. Miz had just came off the back of a feud with Cena. Evan Bourne, wait, who the fuck is Evan Bourne? Jack Swagger’s WrestleMania this year consisted of trying to help a non-wrestler beat a retired one…

They probably should’ve kept MitB as part of WrestleMania.  It’d let smaller guys be on the show (more-so than the Sheamus battle royal dark match) and plant the seeds early for whatever storylines that they were going to develop for the rest of the year.

It’s not all bad, I love the concept of Night of Champions (even if it’s a watered down ‘Mania) because you’ll see every belt be contested in matches that may or may not have gimmicks. It’s one of the few great PPV ideas that WWE have had recently. The other (non-gimmick) PPVs they have exist to either end storylines or throw in a huge plot twist (or they should, but that’s for another article), so having one that’s all about the gold is a great idea.


What do you remember about Lex Luger, Macho Man, Hulk Hogan, Ultimate Warrior, The Rockers, The Road Warriors, Vader, Sting…

Or, a decade or so later, what do you remember about Edge & Christian, The Dudleys, The Hardy Boyz, DX, Raven & his flock, the NWO, Sting (again)…

Not all of them had skills on the microphone (hello, Hardys) or tremendous in ring talent (sup, Bubba & D-Von), but they all had a look.

It didn’t look like this! 

Everyone wears speedos now for 2 reasons I can think of.

1) With all the lights WWE use on their shows & PPVs these days, it’s incredibly hot in the arena & guys have to run about for 15 or so minutes in those conditions.

2) It’s easier to create moulds for action figures & design characters for a video game when they all look the same.

You know what it’s not easy to do when all your guys dress the same?

Say hello to the Del Rio shirt! 

Did you know this existed?

Do you think they sell any?

If they do, do you think the numbers are anything close to an Austin shirt or a Rock shirt is selling right now, or the Dudley Boys shirts were 10 years ago?

I see a wrestler wearing a cool shirt & think “I want to buy that shirt” (as did some rich guys the day after Money in the Bank). I see a wrestler wearing some tight speedos & think “I shouldn’t have to hope that a camera points at your arse for 10 seconds just so I can figure out your name”.

Trousers, shorts, singlets… lots of options here.

Cena gets to wear shorts & a T-Shirt & right now & guess what? The guy has an iconic look because of it.

Rey has colourful trousers to match his mask & guess what? The guy has an iconic look because of it.

Del Rio? Miz? Kofi? Dolph?

Maybe if they weren’t forced to wear a uniform they wouldn’t have to resort to playing stereotypes in order to try & get over. Maybe, and this is a big one, but maybe people would buy the shirts if they knew they existed.

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