RAW is TNA 18/7/11

Vince comes out & talks about Punk being a dick, says that the people in the back are waiting to find out what’s going to happen with the wwe title (including Kelly Kelly & The Bella Twins, for some strange reason).

A tournament is called for & some matches are talked about. Nobody in the lineup is ready for a belt, not one of them.

Dolph is US Champ, so he has a year & a half before he can even think about asking for the belt.
Rey’s job to make guys look good (kinda like Big Show, i guess anyone that isn’t average wrestler height is stuck in that role).
Miz & his ex Alex lost the I Quit match to Cena a few months ago after doing everything they could & that bumped Miz back down to Mid card.
Kofi almost killed himself & the other guy (kinda sucks that i can’t remember who it was, maybe Rey?) when they fell off the ladder during the RAW MITB match.
Del Rio may have have showed how hungry he was when he ran down to the ring on Sunday, but he had a title shot at this year’s Mania that got little reaction, so he’ll need another 4-6 months push before seeing any gold.
Swagger’s Wrestlemania this year consisted of trying to help a non-wrestler beat a retired one.
R-Truth had his push right after Miz, same result.

Vince talks about Cena & the crowd boos again, but not as much as the day before. He says Cena will be punished, but doesn’t say he’ll be fired even though that was the stipulation.

We get the greatest line Vince has ever delivered here, but i feel like he forgets the end of it…

I promise you tonight will be a night of historic proportions, tonight will be a night you always remember – Vince McMahon, July 2011

What did he forget? that little bit just before “thank you very much” that goes “as the night WWE stopped being bland  & started being TNA”.

In full now…

I promise you tonight will be a night of historic proportions, tonight will be a night you always remember as “the night WWE stopped being boring & became TNA”  -Vince McMahon, July 2011

Miz v Alex:

Miz wins

Swagger v R-Truth:

Truth wins

Del Rio v Kofi Kingston:

Kofi wins

Didn’t i tell you Del Rio was a joke now?

Rey v US Champion Dolph Ziggler W/Vicky:

Rey wins

I guess it was a non-title match? At least Vicky didn’t get on the mic.

This takes us to about the halfway point. I guess tonight we see the same wrestlers fight over & over even though

A) King of the Ring hasn’t been mentioned.

B) They showed about 30 hungry guys in the locker room at the start of the show.

Twix & Snickers present a lot of Divas for some reason, it almost looks like a 6 v 6 tag match:

The team with the Divas champion wins

Miz v Kofi:

Miz wins

He’s doing surprisingly well considering he had “an extra kneecap” after his bump in the RAW MITB match.

Rey v R-Truth:

Rey Wins

Fatigue sets in, but not with the wrestlers.

Rey & Miz are about to fight, Vince comes out & says whatever he has to say is more important than having a WWE champion. Rey v Miz is postponed to next week (just as well) & Vince has the ring to himself now…

“There’s no denying Cena’s popularity” is said during a massive C.M. Punk chant, Vince says Cena is a stand-up guy (i told you) but he still needs to be punished.
At this point I get flashbacks to Regal & co. literally kissing Vince’s arse, anyone else get that? Sometimes i’m happy WWE is PG now.

Cena comes out to piped in cheers. The problem with piping in cheers is that the recordings they use seem to have no low end, so it’s just screams & hissing rather than anything that could be confused as real.
He talks about not being a fan of the Monreal Screwjob & how he thinks Shawn is the greatest coke h- erm, wrestler Vince has ever had on the books. He continues the “i’m a stand-up kinda guy” for five mins & the crowd are just like “yeah, we get it” at this point. He says a screwjob at MITB would’ve made the title meaningless, crowd cheers like fuck because they know that happened a long time ago.

You have two months to find another opponent for The Rock at next year’s Mania! – Cena, July 2011

Even though i know nobody on the books is big enough to headline mania against The Rock, i’m jumping up & down on my seat like i’m fucking 7 again.

I will walk down the stage on someone else’s TV show & keep doing this, brother! – Cena, July 2011

So now it’s cool to mention TNA on wwe? I thought the general opinion was that they were bigger than this & they didn’t care about TNA because it only gets 25,000 buys? Colour me confused.

“i thought you said WWE becomes TNA tonight?” Well, wait for it…

Motörhead start blasting on the PA, “it’s all about the game & that ill fitting suit he’s wearing” Lemmy seems to sing.
Triple H mentions a board of directors meeting that happened without Vince & the other board of directors guy that has been following Vince around on the last few shows.
The board are concerned about the current situation &  i’m not sure if they’re talking about the C.M Punk thing or Vince’s fabulous pink blazer, but HHH goes on to say that they are specificity concerned about Vince, so it has to be the blazer.

Injunction against the Chairman & CEO with a vote of no-confidence, wha?

So Vince has written himself out of the biggest angle they’ve had in 10 years, even though he was getting crazy heat for trying the screwjob & could’ve used this to torment Cena & make him jump through hoops (something the fans would’ve loved), or even to just replace the iGM with himself (something the fans would’ve liked) & play up the evilness.

Why has Vince agreed to be written out of the biggest story they’ve had in 10 years then? To shoehorn Hunter in, obviously.
HHH says Cena isn’t fired & some “little jimmys” start screaming. He starts wincing & shit, so it’s no surprise that the next thing he says is “look at me, hey, look at me!” &, given that he’s chewing gum as well, it’s like he’s combined everything we’ve grown to hate Pacino & De Niro for.

“I love you, pop” he says, while hunting for the Visine in the sewn up suit pockets.
So Hunter has ushered in an era of car-crash ridiculousness & in a way it’s kinda good, RAW wasn’t bland this week. It wasn’t great, or beyond 3 stars, but TNA rarely do good car crashes either.

The show ends with Vince in the ring looking quite emotional, almost like this really is him handing over the reigns. “Thank you, Vince” chants the crowd & he kinda awkwardly looks around & says “than you” back to them without using a mic.

C.M. Punk posted a picture of the WWE Title in his fridge over on twitter & his bio reads “unemployed WWE champion” right now.

I’m not about to say WWE will stop sucking & wresting will get huge again, but at least things are kinda exciting right now.