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“Well, i’ve got my health” *falls over*

June 16, 2011

Last week  I was talking about being relatively healthy (apart from the smoking & beeing a little underweight). Today, i woke up with pains in my neck, back & shoulders + headache, a throat infection of some sort & sore eyes. I’m not sure how to explain painful eyes, but it’s that pain you get when you look up using your eyes & not your head.

All of this tends to happen every summer, making me the only one walking about with 4 layers of clothing & a hat when it’s 22C outside. I’m guessing it’s because the warmer temperatures provide a great environment for bacteria to grow in. People tend to get colds & shit in the winter because they go from cold-as-fuck outdoors into a nice warm house & wrap up with blankets (yielding another great environment to grow bacteria in).

DISCLAIMER: The above could be completely wrong, I never took biology.

I was wondering why people don’t create warm environments & grow strains of bacteria to sell on, for about two minutes, then I remembered science(!) (and that chemical warfare isn’t just a Dead Kennedys song). You also get shit like Yakult. “top up your good bacteria” says the advert, like the bacteria in your system is loosing a war, screaming out for reinforcements (I guess that’s what a lot of diseases are). Then you get antibiotics (the cure? No, not that one!), like saying “fuck it” & dropping an A-bomb on the war going on inside you. Then you get stuff like Olbas Oil that kinda makes the bad bacteria run to the hills for an hour or two, which is not bad if you’re still figuring out if you want to send reinforcements  or nuke the fuckers. If having a sore throat were Modern Warfare, Olbas Oil would be like the spy-plane to the antibiotics’ chopper gunner. I’d say nuke (again), but antibiotics aren’t always a game ender.

Being ill is fucking confusing.

I’m off to eat yoghurt while rubbing Olbas Oil over my throat with one hand & playing Call of duty with the other. I’ll post an update later in the week (assuming I’m not dead from a mixture of the sore throat & my terrible understanding of biology).

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