Imagine you’re a seven year old girl. You walk downstairs on a Saturday morning, grab the remote & turn the television on. Your favourite Saturday morning show is on, your favourite ‘pop star’ (wearing leather chaps , tight red knickers & almost a bra) is on promoting their latest single. You watch them mime sexual acts on other men & women for three and a half minutes while they sing lyrics that are nothing more than playground innuendo.

Seven years later, the Home Office is trying to ban exactly that.

My original point was that the parents shouldn’t let their kids watch it, I think I said something along the lines of…

…if mummy seen daddy watching it on his own, she would deliver a swift kick to the balls & file for divorce on the grounds that “if he’ll shag that, he could be getting weekend pussy from that tart across the road”…

That’s the point of these videos though, is it not? Shakira & co. want to look like they’d shag you in an instant because if you’re attracted to them, you’re more likely to buy the album or see them live (and probably pull a “Paul Rubens” in the venue, you dirty bastards). A few weeks ago, someone told me they were going to see Girls Aloud next time they had a show up here, just so he could ask Cheryl Tweedy/Cole (depending on what “news” paper you read & if it’s the early edition or not) to take a shit on him.

Something that happened recently on the aintitcoolnews.com message board made me think “Do the dads buy the CD for the kids & have a crafty wank to the album cover when the wife and kids are out?”

“Probably not,” I thought, “The Internet has made that kind of behaviour obsolete*.”

Has it, though? I’m pretty sure you could find a picture of Lady GaGa’s fanny, or Christina Aguilera’s tits on google images, but would someone waste time waiting for the computer to load up when the album is sitting right beside them?

Fathers of the world, get your answers on a postcard**.

* It didn’t make the AICN related thing obsolete.

** I’m pretty sure none of you will get distracted by the picture of Millport (other seaside towns are available) that’s on the front of them.

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Programmed by hand In FL8 using the Korg nanoKEY, it’s as close to the original sound as i could get, with a little of 88 & the TOTP preformance thrown in as well (Hooky’s bass riff, choir bursts, etc.). The choir sound is sampled from Kraftwerk’s Uranium (from the Radioactivity album) because that was where New Order took the sound from originally. Everything else was VST’s.

I couldn’t green screen Numan “driving” down the keyboard, so i ended up with something that resembles a-ha’s Take On Me video.

Song: Cars

Gear: The Casio LK-200s is using Minimogue VA via Midi.  The Korg Nano is slightly out of frame, but it’s using a separate Minimogue VA for the industrial drum/white noise.

It’s a departure from my previous stuff, let me know what you think.

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Sound should be a lot better in this episode, thanks to your feedback.